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Medical Insurance
Explained
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Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase , "HEY MOE ." Its roots go
back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered
that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was
poked hard enough in the eye .
Q . I just joined an HMO . How difficult will it be
to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents . Your insurer
will! provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan The
doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer
accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
participating in the plan . But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a
half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country .
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require
pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment .
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms
of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I
need the name brand . I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a
stomach ache .! What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick ?
A. You really shouldn't do that .
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor
insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really
perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20
co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot .
Q Will health care be different in the next decade?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then .
To Your Good Health (because as you'll see, you'll
need it!)
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