* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

* Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

* Why do people! point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

* Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

* Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

* If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

* Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

* Stop singing and read on..........

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?