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Remembering When.....
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An elderly
gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to
the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must
be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family
yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
three times!"
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know
you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
pants."
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An elderly
couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives
left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and
it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the
restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said,
"What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned
towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that
restaurant we went to last night?"
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Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase
at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if
his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the
bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
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A couple in their nineties were both having problems
remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to
help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets
up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can
remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe
you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice
cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget
that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I
can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got
it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon
and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast ?"
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, "So
I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
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A man was
telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four
thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the
street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a
hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've
got a heart murmur; be careful."
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After
catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis |
