Strange Classified Ads
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• 1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer
• 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 weeks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
• Alzheimer's Center prepares for an affair to remember.
• And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
•  Not much to start out, but a huge pay raise ...
• Salary: 23k to start. 401k after 1 yr.
• Bill's Septic Cleaning. "We haul American made products."
• Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
• Cows, calves never bred. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

• Dinner Special:

  Turkey	$2.35
  Chicken or Beef	$2.25
  Children	$2.00

• Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
• Exercise equipment: Queen size mattress & box springs - $175.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
• For Sale: 3 canaries of undermined sex.
• For Sale: 8 puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
• Found: Dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward.
• Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
• Free puppies: 1/2 Cocker spaniel. 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
• Free puppies: Part German shepherd. Part stupid dog.
• Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
• Georgia peaches. California grown - 89 cents lb.
• German Shepherd. 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
• Great Dames for sale.
• Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Hummels - largest selection ever. "If it's in stock, we have it!"
• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer & dryer. $300
• Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
• Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
• Nice parachute: Never opened - used once.
• Nordic track $300. Hardly used. Call Chubby.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• Open House
  Body Shapers Toning Salon
  Free coffee & donuts
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
• Our sofa seats the whole mob.
  And it's made of 100% Italian leather.
• Semi-annual after-Christmas Sale.
• Shakespeare's Pizza - free chopsticks.
• Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
• Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowsy days.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Tickle Me Elmo. Still in box. Comes with its own 1988 Mustang 5L auto. Excellent condition. $6800.
• Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
• Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7-$9 per hour.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
• Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Wanted: Chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
• Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
• Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
• Wanted: Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

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