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Student Bloopers
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Here are some
interesting interpretations of nature from test papers and essays
submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and
college students around the world. Spelling left as is.
"When you
breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"H2O is
hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
"To
collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
"When you
smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Water is
composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is
gin and water."
"Three
kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"Blood
flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."
"The moon
is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Dew is
formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire."
"A
super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms
always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body
consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are
five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"The
pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
"The
alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The
skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hitch meat to."
"A
permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides
are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon,
because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I
forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A fossil
is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
"Equator:
A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A
nest of young puppies."
"Magnet:
Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum:
What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A
body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb:
A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacumm: A
large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before
giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative."
"To remove
dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a
nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
"For
fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"For dog
bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill
it."
"For
asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"For head
cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
"To keep
milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
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